What the hell is going on?

So, I'm not sure what is going on right now. I ask Lauren, my wife, if she wants to works things out and if she is still in love with me and she says yes. But her actions and other responses to questions don't seem to show this. I asked her what she needs to see from me, besides going to anger management classes and continuing with our marriage counseling, and she tells me she doesn't know and she doesn't know when she will. She says that she is broken and that for 85% of our marriage I've been nothing but an asshole and now she's standing up for herself while she treats me like I don't matter and that the counseling is too little too late. She also blames me for the fact that she became sick and why she hasn't been sleeping or eating, and that's why she's been losing all the weight she has. She doesn't seem to think that her diet of snacks and junk food has anything to do with it. She also tells me that she doesn't feel like doing anything intimate or wearing sexy things for me because she feels I don't deserve it. That makes me feel like I'm a little school child who has to be a good boy to get a treat. She says she just needs to focus on herself and that's what going to Phoenix was all about, and when she wants to go out with her friends here she is going to because she needs stress relief and her friends are the only ones who can do that and she would rather talk to them then me or you because they understand and she doesn't want to bring the family into it. She told me last night that the reason she hasn't changed her name is because she didn't think that we weren't going to work out. How is one to respond to that? I was OK with her not changing her name, told her it didn't bother me because I didn't think THAT was the reason, but had she actually told me the reason behind it I would not have been OK with it. How does one go into something like a marriage without putting your best foot forward?? And she still has conversations with people from her past that she's had sexual encounters with and she still talks to them about it. I know that I haven't been the easiest person to get along with, and I did lose her trust when I was working at the Boathouse when I went out after work for drinks and I told her that I was working late. I haven't done that since and I have told her that, but she chooses not to believe me, and says that everyone in her family and my parents have told her differently (which my mother vehemently denies), to watch out and not to be too sure of the fact that I'm not going out after work anymore. I know I ****** up the trust with her at that point and time in our relationship, but I have been working at trying to gain that trust back since the Boathouse, which was over two years ago. She says that she is protecting herself and that she isn't trying to treat me like she thought I treated her, but her guard is up and she is trying to make sure she doesn't get hurt. I understand not wanting to get hurt but when you seem to be sitting on the sidelines just waiting to see if I make the changes you are looking for, then I don't see how that is working as a couple to work things out. It looks to me like you're waiting to see if I screw up again so you can feel justified in if or when you choose to leave. I'm trying to do the best that I know how and when I'm not sure that she is trying, what is one to do?? I'm not trying to seem like I'm just bitching on here, but I'm really at a loss for what to do. She doesn't seem to want to listen to anything I have an opinion on or take into consideration how her demeanor and attitude are affecting me and the outcome of this whole relationship.